just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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