Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
