"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
