So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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