I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
