Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
