I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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