bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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