just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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