Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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