Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
