I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
