Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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