Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
