he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
