I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
