I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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