Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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