i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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