nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
