i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
