We're facebook friends in real life
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
