I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
