I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
