FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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