Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
