Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
