I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
