the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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