Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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