Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize