Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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