it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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