A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
