Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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