Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They took my balls.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
