My Higher Power is John Stamos
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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