I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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