My brain says no but my pants say off.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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