He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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