so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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