Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
