I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
