So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
