The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
