and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
