I look better un-naked...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
