White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
