accomplished twins. life is a go
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
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