You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
