Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
