Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
