Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
