More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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