Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
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He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize