If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
