I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
