CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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