I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
