how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
