need another drink. this is the easiest way
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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