It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
