The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
