She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
