But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
