i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
