You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
