Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.