I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
it's like iHOP with fire
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence