So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
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She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
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I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho