I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove