Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
