Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.

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(210): View more from Texas

Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(201): View more from New Jersey

there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.

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(407): View more from Florida

We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove

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