I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
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