she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
