but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
