At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I want her autograph on my taint
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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