omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
