I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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