New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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