Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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