Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
