I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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