fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize