I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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