I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
