I bet he comes in French.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
