We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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