Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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